Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Purgatory

I think I have entered the "bla" zone, purgatory, a black hole. I have no energy to do anything and have been procrastinating everything I possibly can. I feel like a blob, which I'm sure is due in part to the big blob of a belly protruding from my mid-section. The rain every morning has not helped either, as that seems to have set my mood for the rest of every day.

I have been so busy for so long and now I am ready. Waiting. Our furniture is here, the baby's room is ready, baby's clothes are washed, plane tickets bought, lists of what to pack are made, and now I just need to wait. This train has come to a full stop and I'm finding it hard to start up the engine again for even the smallest of tasks. I'm not wanting to do much and have little energy to do any of it. I am trying to convince myself that it is ok to be a slacker, to relax, and to be a bum. However, this is not really in my nature, at least not for more than a day or two, so it is not an easy transition.

I leave for Singapore in 17 days. 17 days of waiting to get on a plane, and then more waiting after a short period of settling into our new temporary digs for the baby to come. And then of course our lives will be thrown once more into a tailspin and I will berate myself for even once second of not enjoying this restful, slow period.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

Sejak saya pulang dari Indonesia saya rindu hidup pelan-pelan di sana. Betul! Enak isterihat sebelum bayee berankat! Kami punja anak baru berumur 5 bulan dan saya belum tidur selama 4 jam sejak hari natal.

Anyway, my language is totally bahasa kampung (or pasar) but its fun to try it out again... I am now in Seattle and found your blog from Gabes cos my baby also has a CHD.

(http://echobaby.blogspot.com)

I lived in Maluku and South Africa and the big house you live in makes me taste life in the (sub) tropics. I wish I could pick up and travel again but with a baby not completely healthy I don't know when we will get around to it.

Have you visited the markets yet? I used to love shopping for ikan. We'd get the best tuna (called Mongai (sp) in bahasa) and just live on the steaks for days. In Jakarta we loved the restaurants that sold many little bowls of food and had beef rendang (rendang sapi) - it was unbelievably delicious although perhaps too spicy for being almost due.

Good luck in the wait and weeks ahead.

- Shannon