Strolling through

We've been in my hometown almost a week now. The weather has been gorgeous - so much nicer than way-too-hot-and-humid North Carolina or pollution-hazed Jakarta. Just lovely. And the evenings have been long and summery and fragrant.

I lived here for 11 years straight, between the ages of 5-16, and then on and off for another 7 years finishing high school and coming back while at college. My mother still lives in the house I grew up in, although the back half has been turned into student housing. But it still feels like home, and I guess it will always feel that way. I just can't imagine North Carolina, or DC, or anywhere ever feeling so deeply like home as it does here. I can't imagine it, but maybe once we've lived in one place for several years and we are entrenched in the boys' school and jobs, and surrounded by friends and routine, somewhere else could feel so much like home.

One of my favorite things to do here is to stroll through my childhood neighborhood in the evenings. No other neighborhood compares. There are old trees forming a canopy over the streets, a mixture of houses with different architecture styles and owner styles, sidewalks over flat land, chirping birds and hopping bunnies. And it is familiar and brings back wonderful memories of youth and care-free summer days and silly-girl chats.

On those walks I take a deep breath and can smell those days. There was so much giggling and friendships and insecurities, boy notes and homework and wide-open possibilities. It's funny to think of myself in those days, not knowing who I'd grow up to be or where I'd end up. I know I imagined exciting adventures across the oceans, but I never imagined the beaches and Hindu temples of Bali or sitting around with people I loved around a fire in Mali. I imagined being happily married with 2 children (although both not boys!), and for that I am so grateful. I am so grateful for it all. I think my little girl self would be very happy with the dreams her adult self has been able to realize.

Now, as I stroll the sidewalks I walked at some of the most significant stages of my life, my thoughts don't wander so much towards the dreams of my future. I suppose they are much more "adult" thoughts now centered on the present, focusing on the boys' needs, shopping lists, relationship matters, career decisions, family health issues, making new friends and beginning a new life chapter. And once again, as I find myself at a significant crossroads in my life, I am happy I have the good fortune to stroll those same lovely streets to help my mind work it all out.

Transitions

...are tough. Plain and simple, tough. Even when they're exciting, even when they're adventurous, even when they're joyful, they are also challenging, stressful, new, scary... And as much as you may be prepared for them, mentally and emotionally, there are still some rough waters as you swim to the other side.

We only left Jakarta two weeks ago, but in some ways it feels like an eternity. And even though most things are happening the way I expected, all this change and difference is still challenging. By all accounts our temporary apartment is great and comfortable, but it's still temporary and I'm still dying to get into our new house. We are lucky to already have a few friends here, but it is summer and they are busy and I am feeling a bit lonely. The boys have been pretty good considering the massive changes that are rocking their world, but they are with each other constantly and fighting heaps and driving me crazy. We were expecting our shipment from Jakarta to be delivered the end of July, but it now looks like it will be delivered the middle of August and just that two week difference is completely throwing off my schedule and my expectations.

So really, everything is going well and for the most part the way I expected and what I was prepared for. And yet. And yet it's still just - tough. And for this it is going as expected as well. I knew it would be tough. But it's still the getting through it. And I still want to complain. :)

The boys and I have been having fun rediscovering the area. I feel confident that we will be happy here and it will be an excellent place for the boys to grow up. Everyone is really nice. And that's saying a lot considering where we are coming from - a country rich in personal kindness! I suspected that being in a small town that is surrounded by two big cities would be a pretty ideal situation for me, and I still believe that to be true. It provides an intimacy and down-home feel that I grew up with in Wisconsin, but also supplies a diversity and cultural richness that I crave. The area may fall short in global understanding, but people have told me it does exist and is growing. I feel positive about our decision and once we are really settled, I hope we will know it was the right one.

For now I will endure the transition the best I can, continue to repeat my motto of the summer, 'it is what it is', and try to keep smiling.