The Stupid Iraq War and other musings

I have no intention of this blog becoming a regular political outlet for me to complain or lament our current situation, or to cheer those occasional things that go right. However, I am somewhat political so these ideas and emotions are there, and sometimes they just need to burst out. It is probably a good thing for all of our sakes that I don't let this become my own personal griping outlet. I can get pretty annoying and passionate about some issues, to which J would certainly attest. For example, my friend Emily, of Lovely and Amazing fame, recently posted a rant about SCHIP program funds being cut. Well, I could fume on and on and on about that one, but since Emily already did such a good job of it you can read it here if you're interested. So, if you are someone who actually thinks it's a good thing we're embroiled in this huge, multibillion dollar lie and mess they call a war (who could you possibly be???), then you may not like most of what I have to say today (although it's really not that offensive).


The reason for the political outburst today is because J and I watched In the Valley of Elah a couple nights ago and it was a really, really good movie. It is the story of a father trying to find his son who just recently returned from Iraq. It stars Tommy Lee Jones as the father, Susan Sarandon as the mother, and Charlize Theron as the detective. What makes it especially poignant is that the story is based on actual events. The truth of what happened to the son, and what happened to him during his tour in Iraq, is tragic in so many ways. For most of you, because I know who you are, the truth won't be that shocking. It's part of the reason why we hate war in the first place, why it should never be entered into as lightly as it was, and why we think the government is doing such a pathetic job of fighting this war and taking care of our troops. What does surprise me is this last part. I don't understand how anyone, whether you're for this war or against it, isn't forcing the military to do a better job of taking care of its troops both while they're on duty and once they return.

This movie did a really wonderful job of pointing out these flaws and of pointing to the horror these boys and girls and men and women have to face on a daily basis while they're there, and of the continuing internal horror they face once they've returned. What I especially loved about the movie is how it accomplishes this both very overtly, but also very subtly. You'll understand what I mean if you watch the movie. Which you really should do.

Onto some segues... After watching the movie I wanted to discuss it with J. I was in tears and very upset and couldn't help but imagine that it was my son in the story. I didn't relate much to the family, but I do have 2 sons and it scares the living crap out of me to think that they could one day be drafted into war, or even join of their own volition. It's not a big stretch to imagine this. So this is what I attempted to discuss with J. I asked if watching this movie enraged him like it does me, to see what this war did to this mother's/father's son and to other mother's/father's sons, to know that we're spending billions of dollars on this lie instead of on improving our health care or education, etc. which is in such desperate need. But he wasn't. Or rather, this movie didn't make him feel that way. And he didn't relate in imagining that boy being our C or LC. It became evident to me, and has before many many times, how differently we see things. Part of the reason we see things differently, I think, is the male vs. female perspective.

And this is why I can't help but wonder about the current Democratic party nomination choices. Firstly I'll admit that I haven't paid close attention to it. This is one of the benefits or drawbacks of living overseas, depending on how you view it. It's easy to ignore what's happening back home. So I point this out because I couldn't tell you how the candidates really differ on key issues. But I will also add that many of my friends who do pay attention say there aren't huge differences anyway, and honestly this had already been my impression so far. If Hillary wins, fantastic, if Barack wins, that's cool too.

Why I'm bringing this up is because of what one of my pro-Barack friends said. He sent out a Vote for Obama email and added, "Vote for Change". It's this last bit that I don't entirely agree with. Yes Hillary is seen as being too entrenched in Washington politics, and perhaps this is true. On the other hand I think it would be good to have someone with substantial experience leading the country. Barack also has a very international background which of course I respect, and he could bring a very interesting perspective to the White House. And yes, he's not white. Maybe this will make a difference too. But when it comes down to it, he's still got a penis. And this is where my previous conversations relate to each other.

Speaking in generalities here, a woman, especially a mother, would be far less likely to enter into war. The reason is because she can, very easily and without much of a jump, imagine if it were her child she were sending to war. She can imagine, in her heart, in her head, in her bones, that it was her friend or sister or brother's child going into war. She can imagine, without stretching that imagination past a 2 second thought, that it was the corner grocer's son or her nurse's daughter going to war. I'm not saying at all that men don't think these thoughts, because of course they do. What I'm saying is it just doesn't seem to be the same. And that's the kind of change I'd like to see in the White House. I'd like to see first hand a president who has birthed a child and who has struggled as a working mother in this totally unsupportive society we have. A woman does see things differently. The issues that she deems most important often do differ from what a man might see as being most important. Did you know that a woman who has been pregnant will never lose a part of that child in her body? Meaning that I will always, for the rest of my life, have C's and LC's cells running through my body. I think that's so cool, and so poignant! I'd like to see the changes this woman would make. I think having a woman as president could show more change than a man. (And relating to the SCHIP rant, at least Hillary tried to address the health care issue! No one else is willing to go near that monster, despite how desperately we need to!)

Onto yet another segue, and another review. Don't worry, there is relevance. I've recently read Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, which is a guide to helping boys develop their emotional skills rather than destroying them, as our society seems to value. The authors, psychologists, illustrate the research and recommendations with anecdotal examples from their work with boys. The book includes chapters on boys in our educational system, in our culture, relationship with mothers (which I found particularly interesting), relationship with fathers, etc. I consider this book, or one with similar content, to be a must-read for any parent of boys. We've been so focused on increasing the opportunities for girls (which was needed) that we forgot about what was happening to our boys (big mistake).

I think the book has been personally helpful. While most of the recommendations were not "new" to me, as they feel like common sense and based on how I was brought up, some parts were quite enlightening. For example, the chapter on boys in school was very useful, and I'll be sure to read it again in a couple years when C starts kindergarten and may come up against similar struggles as were described in this chapter. I also appreciated the chapter on mothers with sons, because I don't "know" boys the way I "know" girls - I can use the help!

And the relevance? Do I need to spell it out? Well, we send our boys off to war without any emotional training on how to deal with the horrors they see. They're ill equipped to begin with, and then we make them do and see incredible atrocities. And then we bring them back, hopefully, with no skills on how to reassimilate or how to make peace with their life in Iraq. This is the tragedy that happened in In the Valley of Elah, a tragedy that maybe we could help prevent by encouraging our boys to listen to and express their emotions and to support them rather than criticize. On a side note, while looking for a link to this book I found a nifty page on PBS with other information, guides, etc from Raising Cain.

What a bonus! You got a political rant, movie review, and book review all in one little post!